The past few months since Ive come back from camp, the feeling that Im not doing life the right way seems to have snuck back in. For some reason watching everyone enjoying university, has again led me to believe that I am not doing something ‘right’.
Im not sure if its the fact that I am back living at home, which actually has a lot more positives so I don't think its that, or the fact that I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Does anyone though? But I am feeling a little stuck in the past, like | am watching everyone around me grow up and become an adult, whilst I am still very much not ready for that, thank you very much!
What I guess I am saying is that, once again the not doing things the ‘conventional way’ has got to me a little. And I don't want it too, because different doesn't mean wrong and so, like most things that get stuck in my head, I thought blogging it out..would help. At least a little.
I re-read my post, ‘University: It’s ok to not be ok” ( https://www.youthmentalhealthmatters.net/laurenandlucy/2016/10/10/university-its-okay-to-not-be-okay) and the words in that reminded me of 1. how far I have come and 2. that its ok to do things a little different.
So here’s a list of positive things that have happened in my life recently, and yes they aren't ‘conventional’ but there things that I should be proud of:
An offer of a rowing scholarship to study in a American university.
Anyone who has ever seen me row is probably laughing a little, but this offer reminded me that Im not actually that bad at rowing, I just row at a rowing club where everyone is far above average. So, if i was advising someone that wasn't me in this situation, I would tell them to stop comparing themselves.
The charity growing leaps and bounds.
The charity that I started. Something that is helping people, is becoming so well known I on average have 6 meetings a week, plus over 100 emails, and all this interest is leading to grants and funding and EXCITING things. Including BBC and ITV coverage. So yes, lauren, you are allowed to be proud.
An offer to go back to camp.
A contract to go back and spend summer with the incredible people I met and meet new ones, in a beautiful corner of the world. A place which although difficult at times, I made many happy memories.
A space on fast-track route should I want to study a post-graduate at manchester.
An email I got today, that even my parents don't know about yet (although maybe they do now?) to continue studying IF thats what I decide to do.
I got asked to maybe contribute writing a book. A book on surviving and thriving at secondary school. I love writing, especially to help others and I have been told I can do it.(Thanks Jess)But I’ve never quite believed it, but this is a good way to start believing.
So, although I may not be living in a student house, making lots of student friends or making decisions about my life. Lots is still going on.
I have incredible family members, and friends from all sorts of places. Rowing, choir, old school friends, and yes this might be a little different to those I grew up with but that is nothing to be ashamed of.
I guess, what I wanted this blog to say was this:
If you are going through a time, where nothing seems to be going right or you don't know if your on the right path, don't worry. If you can’t make a choice about what to do next, or you feel a little stuck. Thats perfectly ok…
Opportunities pop up when you least expect them, and even then you don’t have to say YES to everything. ( blog post-https://www.youthmentalhealthmatters.net/laurenandlucy/2017/5/21/learning-to-say-no) and it is also especially important to remember that whatever is going on in life right now. You are not a failure.
So with the help of my friends, my family, my rowing coach, my own blog posts and Lucys’…I have come to the realisation. That I need to stop being so hard on myself. And maybe, this is a good place to begin.