I’m not really sure what I wanted to write but something I think about a lot is how much we think we’ve failed. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe it’s every person. But personally on a daily basis I think I’ve screwed up. Sometimes generally, sometimes in an exam and sometimes on one particular day.
But I’ve come to realise that I’ve worked hard to be where I am, and I have tried damn hard. Every day I try to do my best and I go to bed dissatisfied with what I’ve achieved. Which made me realise, I don’t need to try harder, I need to see that whatever I achieve is my best and that’s ok.
So I’m not a failure. When I don’t do as well in a test that I revised for, that means it was hard, not that I didn’t try. When I haven’t ticked everything off my to do list because I was tired, I’ve been working too hard.
I can assure you if you ask anybody they will tell you I do not work too hard. Most people would probably tell you I don’t work hard enough and that I am lazy. But that’s not their place to judge. Only I can tell what is my limit and how hard I can work. What is hard for you may be impossible for me. What I find easy may push you to your limit. So I’ve come to the conclusion that nobody should judge if I’ve failed or not and that I should not punish myself for not being as “amazing” as other people. Finding things difficult is allowed. That doesn’t make you a failure.
So this isn’t about something I need to improve on. This is about not needing to improve and being good enough already.